🔗 Share this article

I have been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered several obstacles, and I respect her for that. However, she's repeatedly taken by surprise in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. A lot of close acquaintances vanished at that point, because they seemed focused solely on him. This surprised her. She made greater energy to be my friend, and must have grasped more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have disappeared without her being sure why. Her last employer became hostile, although she was an excellent employee, and she left not understanding why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship is as the audience. I introduce discussion points but she shifts the talk toward what interests her. Regarding political views, she expresses unyielding views. I attempt to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She is organizing a holiday abroad I've visited many times even called home previously. I tried to offer personal experiences, but this was not welcomed. She purely solely sought validation of her choices. I recently ended 30 days there and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she can comprehend the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. At this point, I am in pulling back. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, but it is seldom the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation with the goal of a solution takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. The second is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no dispute about this. What you feel are valid, after all. Finally is to question ways you together will alter the interaction between you."

Consider she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is telling to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss your concerns, as some people cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a story regarding their experiences they won't release because their very survival depends upon it and it's all they've known. It's tough when there seems no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react like this and then think about what you've said. And even if you don't achieve a fix, it provides peace from having been open and direct.